


My Songs Aren't Sentient Beings (But I May Be)

by destibelle (MissTonyStark)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Cas Has Powers, Cas is girly, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff and Humor, He lets Charlie play dress up with him, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mpreg, Musicians, Pretty Much Siblings, but they're still friends, past Sam Winchester/Lucifer, past depression, past sickness, sort of fantasy, supernatural beings are accepted in society, there's gonna be songs galore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:30:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTonyStark/pseuds/destibelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So..." Dean starts off, his fingers locking together with Castiel's. "You're basically a life-size TinkerBell?" A small chuckle came from Cas as he shook his head.<br/>"No, silly. TinkerBell is a fairy. I'm a Weaver." Blue eyes shone in the moonlight as they stared into green ones. "I can control the elements.<br/>"So like an Avatar?" Dean questioned with a smirk, knowing he was pushing his luck. Castiel leaned forward, lips barely brushing his boyfriend's.<br/>"I can do more than an Avatar."</p>
<p>Castiel McLeod and Dean Winchester were the definition of childhood sweethearts, but when Dean breaks the news of their relationship to his father, John Winchester packs up the family and they disappear overnight. Castiel is left heartbroken and confused; his only ways of coping consisting of confiding everything in his cat Tardis and writing music. Five years later, Castiel has made his way to college; he's happy and moving on with life by working towards his goal of becoming a musician. With his best friend Charlie, his family and friends at his side Castiel feels like nothing is every going to bring him down again. That is until two weeks into the second semester; when Dean shows up in his music class.<br/>Well shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Room's Hush Hush

**Author's Note:**

> this fic will have a few time jumps for the sake of backstory. I'll make sure to label so that way it doesn't confuse anyone, but I really hope you all enjoy it! it was a total spur of the moment idea that hit me when I was listening to this Destiel playlist on 8tracks and it's bloomed beautifully in my mind, so I only hope it turns out half as good on here. <3

**November ~ Present Day**

 

He plucked lightly at the strings of his guitar, smiling as he did so. A lone tear slipped down his left cheek as he took in a breath and began singing softly.

_"Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance. I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down. Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet. Give it a try, it'll be alright."_

A soft sob wrecked his body as he continued playing but halted his singing. He sniffled once, smiling again as memories flooded his mind; _those eyes, those freckles, that smile._ He hummed what he usually would sing, not sure if he could actually sing the lyrics on the paper in front of him without crying even harder. The notebook was so old; the pages crinkled from years of use. It was full of songs, pictures, letters, every good and bad day they had remembered to write about. Castiel McLeod closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

_"Do you hear that, love? They're playing our song."_

The sound of the front door to his apartment opening is what ended up bringing his song to it's end.

"Castibell! I'm home, lovie!" He heard her call from the kitchen.

"I heard the door, Charlie! You don't have to announce it every time." He laughed as he set his guitar in it's stand beside the bed. Quickly, Castiel closed his notebook and hid it in the bottom drawer of his nightstand where he knew nobody else would look before wiping his face and checking himself in the full-body mirror that hung on the back of his door. He walked out of his room and was greeted with a cup being shoved into his hands. Blinking a couple times, Castiel took a moment to figure out exactly what was going on before he smiled. "Thank you, Charlie." He chuckled, inhaling the scent of pumpkin spice.

"I stopped at the coffee shop cause Jo is working a shift and figured you might want something to warm you up. It's pretty cold out today." Charlie replied, patting her best friend on the shoulder. Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but Charlie held up a finger as if to say 'wait a minute' and closed her eyes as she thought for a moment. She cleared her throat before finally saying, "It's November in Kansas, Charlie. We've been here all our lives and I don't know why you expect it to be any different every year." Castiel quirked an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "That sound about right?" She asked, receiving a nod in return. For a moment they stood there in silence, blue eyes locked on hazel before Castiel noticed the tears gathering in the corners of his best friend's.

"Charlie...?" He asked, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. She shook her head, blinking to let a few of the tears fall free.

"Every time I look at you, I realize just how happy I am that you're here." She whispered, placing her hand on top of his. "I see how much your hair has grown out, how your skin looks so healthy, how you aren't just skin and bones anymore. You look like my Castibell and I just think about how lucky I am that I've still got you." Castiel brought her into a hug and she buried her face in his neck, letting out a small sob as he rubbed her back.

"It's been almost four years, Charlie. I made it through and we graduated together. We got into college together, and we're even sharing an apartment together, just like we promised. I swore I wasn't going to leave you; you're stuck with me and not even cancer is going to come between us." The two of them held onto each other for a few more seconds before Charlie pulled away and wiped her face on the sleeve of her sweater. She chuckled lightly, turning her eyes back to Castiel.

"I'm a crying mess."

"Are you plugging?" Cas asked nonchalantly, taking a sip from his coffee.

"Is it that obvious?" Charlie asked, turning towards the bathroom. Castiel followed her and leaned up against the door frame while she wiped at her face with the washcloth that had been sitting on the side of the sink.

"Box of tampons on the floor beside the trashcan, you're emotional, you've brought me coffee three times this week. I'd say it's pretty obvious." Cas replied, the sarcasm rolling off his tongue like it was his native language. "Oh, and let's not forget the ridiculous amounts of ibuprofen I've seen you take a day!" He added, holding a finger up as if stating the obvious. Charlie gave him a pointed look, quirking one eyebrow. Cas held up his hands in a defensive manner. "Hey, you asked."

"Have you taken your afternoon meds?" She asked, quickly trying to change the subject. Castiel let out a small huff of laughter.

"Yes, mother. You can check my pill box if you aren't convinced." There were a few moments of silence to follow before Charlie took a deep breath.

"Jo talked to Sam again today." Cas blinked as he processed what he had just been told. He fought the urge to frown for a moment before putting on a facade, even though he knew Charlie would be able to see right through it.

"How's he doing?" He asked. Charlie scoffed softly, but played along.

"He's fine. They're _both_ fine." She replied, making sure the look she gave Cas didn't get past him. Cas swallowed thickly, his voice lost on him.

Five years.

It had been five years since Castiel; hell, anyone in their hometown of Lawrence, had heard anything about the Winchesters. Then suddenly out of the blue two weeks ago, Charlie's girlfriend Jo had started receiving phone calls from the younger brother, Sam. They had all grown up together; it had been a very close knit group of friends that spent almost every waking hour with each other if they could.

_When you spend enough time with someone, you're bound to develop feelings for them, Cassie._

Cas could hear his big brother's voice ringing in his ears. He could remember that conversation clear as day. His second eldest brother, Lucifer, had been sitting in the living room of their house when Castiel had approached him. He closed his eyes, chuckling as he thought back to how young he had really been, how in love he thought he had been.

 

**June ~ Six Years Ago**

 

Sixteen year old Castiel peeked his head around the corner, spotting just the person he had been looking for. He cleared his throat softly, bracing himself for the conversation he wanted to have. "Um, Lu?" He called softly from his place in the doorway. His twenty year old brother, turned his head and smiled at his youngest sibling.

"What's up, Cassie?" He asked. He patted the spot on the couch beside him and Castiel made his way over, no hesitance in his step at all. He smiled as he sat down, folding his hands in his lap and cast his eyes downward as he felt himself blush.

"I needed some uh, advice, I guess." Lucifer quirked an eyebrow; usually Cas went to their sister, Anna or to their eldest brother Michael. He was the third in line, most of the time because Castiel never went to Gabriel for advice. He noticed the way his brother played with his hands, running over the callouses on his fingertips that had built up from years of playing his guitar. Lucifer waited another moment and when Castiel didn't say anything else, he gave him the go ahead.

"Anything you need." He said softly, using his index finger to lift his brother's face by the chin to meet his gaze. Cas tried to turn away again, but Lucifer wouldn't let him. If there was trouble, he wanted to know, but since Cas had come to him there was no way he was getting away easily.

"Well..." Cas started, still not quite sure how to word what he wanted. "So, say that there's this person you've known for a long time-"

"This is about Dean, isn't it?" Castiel blinked, his face bright red in an instant.

"Maybe." He almost whispered. Lucifer raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "Okay, fine. Yes, it's about Dean."

"When you spend enough time with someone, you're bound to develop feelings for them, Cassie."

"How-how did you know?" Castiel asked, his voice full of shock. Lucifer chuckled softly before patting his brother on the leg.

"You and Dean have been friends since you were in elementary school. I've seen how you interact and I see the way you look at each other now that you're older. Everyone sees it and we've just sort of been waiting for you guys to break the news." He replied, leaning back and crossing his legs.

"Well, we aren't exactly dating and that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about." Cas reverted back to being shy once more, his fingers interlocking and pulling apart again. It was a nervous habit he'd had for years.

"Just tell him." Lucifer said, startling Castiel once again. "You can't dance around your feelings like they don't exist. And you can't assume that he's gonna know how you feel, just like you can't assume that you know how he feels. One of you is gonna have to break the ice and get it out in the open. If you don't it's just gonna turn into tension and you guys are just gonna feel awkward around one another." A smile slowly made it's way to Castiel's face as Lucifer finished speaking. He stood up quickly, causing Lucifer to jump slightly in surprise. The younger of the two had renewed hope written all over his face as he leaned down to hug his big brother and give him a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Lu!" He laughed, running towards their front door. Castiel slipped on his Converse shoes and grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone before kissing his cat, Tardis on the head and bolting out the door. It was a short run to Dean's house, but he couldn't wait to get there and talk to him.

 

**November ~ Present Day**

 

Castiel rushed around the apartment, looking for his keys as he checked the time once more. He still had twenty minutes until his class, but if he didn't hurry he would be late. It was a ten minute walk across campus. Charlie chuckled, standing by the doorway, dangling his keys between her index finger and thumb. Cas grunted in mock annoyance as he walked over to her, play snatching them from her hand. "Thank you." He said gruffly before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"You ready?" She asked, zipping up her Harry Potter jacket and shoving her hands in her pockets. Cas nodded and he grabbed his phone off the small table beside the door and they stepped out, making sure to lock up behind them. "Why did I let you talk me into doing music this semester?" Charlie looked at Castiel, hiding a yawn behind her hand.

"Because I let you talk me into minoring in infectious diseases."

"Hey, you're good at this medicine stuff-"

"And I'm great at music."

"And you always need a back-up plan when you major in some kind of art." Charlie pointed out, elbowing her best friend playfully. Cas scoffed, this one not being fake. "I know that you're gonna go places with this, Cas but you always, _always_ need to have something to fall back on. And you're just like your mom; you're super friggin' smart and medicine is something you enjoy learning about, whether or not you'll admit it." There was brief moment where neither of them said anything before Castiel finally relented.

"Okay, you're right." He mumbled, mimicking her and putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "I just really want to be focused on my music." He added.

"I know you do, and I think you have been doing incredibly well, all things considered." Charlie retorted. "You work more on your music than your med term, Cas."

"That's because I grew up learning med term and I have no idea why they're making me take that class when I can sleep through it and still pass with an A."

"Because our college is run by dicks." Another voice chimed in, causing the two to turn around and look behind them.

"Gabe!" Castiel laughed, taking the couple steps between him and his brother quickly and hugging him tightly.

"Hey, little brother." Gabriel chuckled, squeezing just as tightly in the embrace. When they pulled apart, Gabriel held his brother at arm's length and took in his appearance. His dark raven hair had grown back in thickly and was messy as ever, curls everywhere as it trailed down to his shoulder. He had half of it pulled back to keep out of his face and his bangs swept across the left side of his face, brushed behind his ear. His blue eyes were bright and shining happily, his skin was pale, but not sickly anymore and all it's luster had returned. He had filled out; curves in all the right places and his muscles were lean and tone. He wore white skinny jeans that hugged his figure perfectly, black Ugg boots that stopped just below his knee, and a black and grey striped sweater underneath his black Weeping Angel jacket with a white scarf looped twice around his neck. Castiel looked healthy and beautiful and happy and Gabriel wanted to do nothing but hug him for hours, but he knew that he couldn't. One because he knew it would embarrass the hell out of his baby brother, and two because he knew they had to get to class.

"So, uh, _our_ college, Gabe?" Charlie asked, hands on her hips and her weight on her right foot. She smirked as Gabe shivered briefly before bundling up in his own jacket.

"Got that right! I just transferred back home from the Southland because I got tired of all the redneck assholes!" He laughed. Castiel gave him a look that said he knew that wasn't the whole story. Gabriel rolled his eyes and motioned for them to go forward, so they all continued the trek across campus as he explained how his real reason for coming home was because he simply missed it. "I get worried, mostly about you, Cas and I didn't want to be away if the uh... the, um." He sighed, taking a breath to keep himself from crying. "The c-word came back. I know the doctors said there shouldn't be any mishaps, but with medicine and stuff, it's never really an exact science. I just wanted to be home; I wanted my friends and my family and everything that was _home._ " Castiel wrapped an arm around his brother's waist as Gabriel put his arm around Castiel's shoulders. He pressed a kiss to his brother's temple and sighed softly as they walked.

"You guys don't have to worry so much, y'know. Charlie and I just had that conversation this morning." Cas chuckled, looking over at his best friend. Charlie ducked her head, blushing lightly before waving it off.

"Meh, it's a habit. I think it-" Charlie cut herself off, squinting in the direction of the building where the Law classes were held. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and repeated the process two more times before shaking her head. Castiel thought that she oddly resembled a fish when she did that and chuckled lowly but quickly straightened up as he noticed that she kept her eyes glued in that direction.

"Everything okay, Charlie?" He finally asked. The redhead nodded, turning her gaze towards the brothers.

"Yeah... Just thought I saw someone." She almost mumbled. They finally reached the music building with almost ten minutes to spare before class and stood outside talking to Gabriel, knowing he had a class in a different lecture hall.

"So, I was kinda hoping you guys might have a uh, spare couch I can sleep on?" The older McLeod brother said, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Castiel had a brief flashback; _green eyes that looked everywhere but at him, a smile that said everything he was hiding as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. He always did that when he was uncomfortable or nervous._ "Mom and dad live too far away from campus for me to stay with them and I sold my car to come home, and I don't wanna ask Lu for rides everyday when I don't have the money to give him gas-"

"Gabriel, it's fine. We have two spare bedrooms in our apartment. You're more than welcome to stay with us." Cas said, the air of his tone was light and excited. Charlie nodded in agreement quickly.

"The only thing we'll ask is for you to help out with bills when you get a job." She added.

"That won't be a problem! I have an interview at the bakery right off campus on Friday and I'm pretty sure with my credentials, it's a give away." Gabriel replied proudly; his chest puffed out slightly. The three of them shared a laugh before making plans to start getting Gabriel's things moved in that evening so he could return his rental truck and get whatever was left of his deposit before they parted ways and headed to their classes. Castiel and Charlie walked into the music hall and passed a few rooms, going straight to the auditorium. The were having a hushed conversation as they took the steps down towards the stage and took their usual seats in the second row, right in the middle. The professor made her way from her office out onto the stage and sat down on the edge, her feet dangling off the edge and she kicked them gently, much like a high school girl would.

"Today I want to do the individual evaluations and see how far along you've all come with writing your own music." She said, and Castiel bounced excitedly in his seat. He had been waiting for this; as soon as they assignment had been given, he got straight to work. Charlie had scolded him for spending seven straight hours on their living room floor with his songbook and guitar. "And I think I want Castiel to go first." The woman finally added after the whispering and nervous chatter had died down. Cas was quick to hop of the seat in front of him and make his way up their stairs to the left of the stage. He grabbed a guitar and a stool as his teacher went to sit in her usual seat on the first row. He set the stool down right in center stage, in front of the microphone that they all used for classes like this and sat, the guitar balanced perfectly in his lap. He sighed softly, looking up at the lights that were shining on him and felt a light blush heat up his cheeks. He hadn't even let Charlie hear this one yet, and here he was getting ready to perform it in front of his entire class. He finally met Charlie's gaze and she smiled, nodding her head at him. Finally, Cas pulled the guitar pick he always kept in his pocket out and looked down, placing his fingers on the frets and began strumming. He had a couple measures of intro music before he began singing, but when he did start, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the lyrics roll off his tongue.

_"I've had so many words but I've had no courage. Now we're saying goodbye. Don't want to miss you tonight, oh. Tell me it's not over now, I can change your mind somehow."_

Charlie brought a hand to cover her mouth as she felt tears filling her eyes. Every single time Castiel performed it was nothing less than beautiful and every single time it made her cry. The emotion that the man put into his music was amazing and she never really understood how he was always able to make her feel so many things at once. Her best friend truly was an artist and there was no doubt in her mind about it. This is what he was meant to do and if anyone ever questioned it, they were dumb. She watched as he paused for a moment before going into the chorus; he opened his eyes and she could see the tears he had shining, unshed. He always did this to himself.

_"I, I give it all. I trip and fall for you. And I hope you wouldn't mind, just one more try for something new. I need you, I need you."_

The redhead looked around at her fellow classmates; most of them were in the same state she was. Hands over their mouths and tears running down their cheeks. Castiel managed to do it yet again. He stuns everyone with his lyrics and how well they flow with his music every class and no matter how prepared anyone thinks they are, they never truly are ready. It took Charlie a minute to realize that she had heard the door up front open and close, but when it finally clicked in her mind, she questioned herself. She had just looked around and everyone who was supposed to be in their class already was. Well, except for that one guy who was out on maternity leave because he decided to start his second semester 33 weeks pregnant. She shook her head free of those thoughts and turned around, seeing a figure standing at the top of the stairs. She couldn't really get a good look at his face because of the shadows but somehow she recognized him. She knew that she knew whoever was standing up there. And that's when she heard Castiel's second verse.

_"Don't be shocked if I cry; you've changed me inside. I turned my back on you. You were the only reason I pulled through, I pulled through. Tell me it's not over now, I can change your mind somehow. My head feels so heavy, my heart is so empty..."_

Oh, God.

Charlie looked at Castiel, and then back at the guy who had finally started making his way down the stairs, a stack of papers in his hands that she recognized as transfer papers.

Oh, God. ohgodohgodohgod.

_"I, I give it all. I trip and fall, I trip and fall, I trip and fall. I, I give it all. I trip and fall, for you. And I hope you wouldn’t mind just one more try for something new. I need you, I need you."_

When Castiel finished, he sighed with a smile on his face and looked at his professor, who seemed to be occupied with what looked like a transfer student. Charlie had a look of utter shock on her face, maybe a mix of terror was written in there somewhere but Cas couldn't really tell with all the lights directed at the stage and blurring his vision. He heard a light conversation between the new guy and his teacher before standing up from his place on the stool and walked towards the front of the stage, guitar still in his hand. "That was beautiful, Castiel, as always. I never get tired of seeing you perform." The woman said, looking up at him, and patting the man beside her on the shoulder. "Just uh, introduce yourself-" The guy sort of held up his hands and mumbled something but the teacher cut him off. "That's how we do things in here; if you're gonna get up on that stage and do what you love then you need to let us know who you are. Everyone did it their first day, you are just a little late getting here." She held out her hand. "I'm Pam Barnes, I'm gonna be your professor. Just call me Pam." She said and shook his hand when he took it. "See, it's not that difficult." She said, chuckling and the rest of the class joined in. Pam nodded up to whoever was in the sound booth that day and the lights on the stage went off and the ones around the auditorium came on, illuminating every student sitting in there and temporarily blinding Castiel, who had not been expecting that at all. When his vision cleared, Cas looked down at the new guy and blue eyes met green.

No fucking way.

He felt himself stumble back a little, dropping the guitar from his hand and didn't even hear as it fell to the floor. He vaguely noticed Charlie jumping up from her seat and hopping over the front row and heading up to him.

"Hi. I'm, uh, I'm Dean Winchester."


	2. Coming Back For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a freak-out and Dean finds out about everything that's happened while he was gone.

By the time the last student was preforming, Castiel thought he was going to crawl out of his skin; or possibly throw up. He hadn't quite decided which it was going to be just yet. Dean had chosen to sit next to Pam, and that put him one seat to the left in front of Cas. He noticed things about Dean that hadn't been there five years ago; his skin was darker, but then again Dean had always had that perfect olive complexion compared to himself. His hair wasn't quite as blonde, now it was a sort of dirty blonde but there were natural highlights of the lighter color that Cas had been used to. The freckles; _oh, those freckles_ , had spread. Now instead of being just splattered across Dean's face, Castiel could see traces of them on his collar bone and shoulders and down his arms. The t-shirt Dean was wearing was giving away a little more of his physique than Cas cared to admit; yes, Dean had always been more muscular, he had always been more built than Castiel but now he was filled out. Not too buff, but just the perfect amount of defined tone that practically made Castiel drool. Charlie had already elbowed him more than once for basically eye-fucking the man without his consent, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to care. When Pam stood up and made her final announcements, Castiel quickly began to gather his things. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and clicked his tongue before checking it.

_I need you to get the girls for me._

Castiel quickly typed out a reply, saying he would be there as soon as he could and then asked how long he would need to keep them. The response came just as Pam was dismissing.

_I don't know this time, Cas._

"Shit." Castiel muttered under his breath. He shoved his phone in his pocket, and took Charlie's hand as she gave him a questioning look. He shook his head before even allowing her to ask. "I gotta go get the girls." Charlie seemed to take that as 'get your ass in gear because we have to go' so she picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder, waving goodbye to Dean with a small smile that said, 'we'll just talk later' and got a nod from the other man. Right before running up the stairs, Castiel turned to look back at his professor. "Pam?" The dark haired woman acknowledged him with a hum before turning to face him. Cas chewed his bottom lip gently before making eye contact with her. "I-I'm gonna have to bring the girls tomorrow-"

"Don't worry about it, Castiel. I've already told you that those sweet little girls are more than welcome here anytime." Pam interrupted, waving him off with a smirk.

"Thank you so much."

"You know better."

"Yes ma'am." Castiel chuckled. He met Dean's gaze briefly, and before he knew it there were tears rimming his eyes. He blinked them away before turning and beginning his jog up the steps. When he reached the top, Castiel shot a look over his shoulder and saw Charlie patting Dean on the shoulder, shoving a little piece of paper in her pocket before quickly following him. The two ran all the way across the campus towards their apartment where Castiel dug his car keys out of his pocket and silently thanked whatever deity there was when he spotted his sleek, black 1969 Mustang sitting in the parking lot. They reached the car in a relatively good time, Cas unlocking the doors and Charlie setting her bag at her feet as the engine roared to life. Before the redhead knew it, they were all the way across town; which was usually a thirty to forty-five minute drive depending on traffic and pulling into Castiel's old driveway. Cas left the car idling, knowing that they wouldn't be there too long; especially if he thought what was happening was actually happening. He didn't even have to make it to the door before he could hear the yelling. He sent a glance towards the garage and noticed that neither of his parents cars were home; which in all honesty was probably a good thing. He opened the door and the volume of the fighting raised exponentially, but over everything he heard crying. Castiel's blood began boiling; his anger raising to levels he hadn't been to in years. This was the last straw.

"If you would just _sign the damn papers_ we wouldn't have to keep doing this, Eve!"

" _Fine!_ You wanna be rid of me so bad, give me a goddamn pen and I'll sign your fucking papers!"

There was a rustling from upstairs and Castiel looked up just in time to see matching pairs of blue-green eyes staring at him as if he were their savior. He opened his arms and got down on his knees as the seven and five year olds rushed into his embrace. Tears began staining his shirt as he shushed his nieces, running comforting fingers through their hair and rubbing their backs. "Charlie is in the car if you wanna go get in, girls." He whispered, kissing each of their heads. They both nodded, blonde curls bouncing with the movement. He stood, walking them to the still open door and gave Charlie a look that told her to keep the girls in the car no matter what they heard. When Cas was sure they were okay, he walked back into the house and closed the door behind himself before making his way up the stairs. When he reached his older brother's room, what he saw absolutely broke his heart. The twenty-six year old looked so rugged; like he hadn't had time to shave in days, dark circles under eyes eyes, and just all around tired. He leaned up against the doorway before Eve looked up and scoffed.

"Baby brother to the rescue, huh? Just like always." She said, every bit of sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Bring the cancer kid in to fight your battles." She added, mumbling. Before he knew what he was doing, Castiel had walked into the room and shoved the woman with every bit of force he had. Lucifer grabbed Cas around his waist and hauled him onto the other side of the room.

"If you were a decent fucking human, the _cancer kid_ wouldn't have to come get your daughters every fucking week, you stupid cunt!"

"Castiel!" Lucifer scolded, completely shocked at what had just come from his little brother's mouth. Outside, thunder began rumbling almost constantly. The elder McLeod brother looked out his window, seeing dark clouds rolling in quickly. "Castiel, you need to calm down."

"I don't come to Lucifer's rescue because I know he can handle himself, I know he can keep his calm. _You_ , on the other hand, Super Bitch, have raised your hands to those little girls more times than I care to count and I get them out of this bullshit environment you've put them in so they can have some semblance of home and what family is like because I know they won't get it from you. Lucifer calls me because he knows it's what is best for the girls, you just don't know when you've gone too far." Castiel was seething; his fists clenching at his sides, but he knew he had to keep himself calm for his nieces, and their whole home town if he really thought about it. "This _cancer kid_ has been more of a mother to those girls than you _ever_ will be." He began walking towards the door just as Eve made it back to her feet. "If you'll excuse me, I have to get Ruby and Meg's bags together and get them home to make dinner." He shot a look towards Eve. "Like a _parent_ should." When Lucifer heard the front door of the house slam closed, he risked a chance look out the window once more; noticing the clouds lightening up just a bit. It didn't look as bad as before and the thunder had finally stopped, but there was a light drizzle plinking against the glass panes. And if Lucifer knew his little brother, he knew right then that the man was crying.

 

**Later That Evening**

 

Castiel found himself washing dinner dishes as Charlie gave the girls a bath, cleaning the up from their meal and the heavy playing they had been doing. Gabriel was hauling his boxes into the apartment, having enlisted Jo (who had only been off work for a grand total of an hour), Bobby, and Ellen. Sam was supposedly on the way to help with the heavy things, but Castiel had told Gabriel not to count on him because he was a Winchester. Bobby had snorted at the comment while Ellen all but outright guffawed. Jo had been in the bathroom when it had been said, so she came out confused, but her mother ended up waving her off and telling her to get back to work. Charlie had gotten Meg and Ruby into the other room (the other 'spare' Castiel had claimed they had but was already full of his nieces things, including a queen bed, dressers, a TV, their own wardrobes that stayed, toys, and God knew what else), dried off, and dressed for bed by the time the dishes were done and all the small to medium boxes had been brought in. Cas had dried his hands off and already grabbed a book to read the girls for bed and was waiting eagerly on the couch when they emerged from their room. Ruby laughed loudly as she all but pounced on her uncle while Meg skipped happily, taking her time to get into the living room. Charlie joined them with a bottle of strawberry scented detangler and a hairbrush just as there was a knock at the door. Ruby took her place in Castiel's lap as Meg sat in Charlie's and they took turns spraying the girls' hair before beginning the task of brushing. They heard Gabriel and the others talking to whoever was at the door, but chose to ignore it when Meg began asking questions.

"Auntie Cas?"

"Yes, Meg?" Castiel replied, not once losing his focus on Ruby's hair and chuckling softly at the use of 'auntie' and not 'uncle'.

"Are... are you gonna be our new mama?" There was silence throughout the whole house; even the group of people that had been previously talking in the hallway had hushed. "I know that our mom isn't a very nice lady, and that daddy works a lot so we can't stay with him all the time, so does that mean you're going to be our mommy?"

"Can Aunt Charlie be like our new big sister?" Ruby asked, excitedly turning around to look at Castiel, her eyes big and shining. Cas and Charlie locked gazes, both unsure of what to say. They heard someone clear their throat and turned to face whoever it had been, seeing Gabriel standing beside the couch with Ellen, Bobby, Jo, Sam, and Dean. Castiel quickly turned back to face his nieces, his face bright red.

"Girls," Gabriel started, squatting down in between where the girls were placed on his brother and friend's laps. "Castiel and Charlie are your Aunts, and they both love you very much, but Eve is your mommy and Lucifer is your daddy. I know you guys know that, and I know that things are hard right now... I know your mom isn't the best, but she's your mom. Your dad is doing all he can to make sure you guys are safe and taken care of, and right now, that's gonna entail you staying here with us. We're still your family, and we're gonna love you more and more everyday, but Cas can't be your new mom, babies." Meg and Ruby both nodded, their heads hanging slightly. Gabriel felt guilty for having to say that but he knew if it had been left up to his little brother then Castiel would've more than accepted the role asked of him. Charlie and Cas hugged the children in their laps before continuing the task of getting them ready for bed. Charlie put Meg's bright blonde hair in a fishtail braid while Castiel put Ruby's in inverted pigtail braids. Charlie handed Meg over to Cas and the girls curled up on the man's lap as he pulled out their book, causing them to squeal in delight.

"I've been waiting to hear the next chapter!" Ruby laughed, snuggling into Castiel's side as he opened up to the fourth chapter of _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_. Everyone else took a seat around the living room, settling in to listen to the book. Cas smiled, starting the chapter, adding as much enthusiasm as he could during parts that needed it and by the time he had finished, both girls were fast asleep in his arms. Gabriel lifted Meg while Castiel stood with Ruby laying on his shoulder and they took them to their room together; tucking them into the bed that was covered in Little Mermaid sheets. Each brother kissed each girl on the forehead before leaving, making sure the nightlight was on and closing the door behind them.

After getting almost all of Gabriel's things unpacked and put away while the guys brought up his furniture, Castiel wiped a bead of sweat away from his forehead before checking the time on his phone. "Shit..." He mumbled, realizing he was almost two hours late for his nighttime medication and trudged his way towards the bathroom. Being comfortable with Charlie, Cas was used to leaving the bathroom door opened almost all the time so the last thing he had expected was for Dean to appear in the mirror while he was emptying the contents of his evening pill box into his hand. Dean blinked, shoving his hands in his pocket shyly as his eyes met Castiel's. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, Gabe said the bathroom was this way." Dean nearly mumbled.

"There are two bathrooms in this apartment, the other one is down the hall near mine and the girls' rooms." Castiel replied, filling up a cup with water as he, for the first time ever, felt self-conscious about the amount of pills in his hand. Dean nodded towards him, and Cas knew it was coming.

"What's uh, what's with all the medicine?" He finally asked, leaning against the door frame. Castiel swallowed down every last pill in one go, before he closed his eyes and gripped at the edge of the sink.

"You can't just disappear, come back after five years of absolutely no contact, and then pretend that you care and want to know everything about my life, Dean Winchester." Castiel replied, feeling a lump rising in his throat as his eyes began to burn. He could hear Dean's sharp inhale and he knew then that his words stung. _Good,_ was the first thought to cross his mind. When Cas finally had the nerve to look up, he saw that Dean's eyes were sparkling with unshed tears.

"Come on, Cas... tell me what happened." He pleaded softly. Castiel shook his head, blinking to free some of the tears clouding his vision. "I need a chance to explain everything, but please tell me what's wrong." Dean took hesitant steps towards his first love; knowing that if he moved too fast he would scare Cas away. A soft sob shook the smaller man's body as Dean pressed a gentle hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"Cancer, Dean." Castiel whispered.

Dean felt every bit of air in his body knocked from him.

"I had squamous cell cervical cancer." He added, turning to face his childhood best friend. "I had _cancer_ , Dean and you were gone. You weren't there." The tears were freely falling now, Castiel not even bothering to try and hide them anymore. "I called your phone, I called Sam's, I called your mother and your father's phones, I sat on your front steps for hours at a time, I _prayed_ , Dean. I tried everything I could to get in touch with or find you, and you were nowhere to be found. I _needed_ you, I _needed_ you there to tell me that everything was going to be okay!" Cas shook Dean's hand off of him and began pacing the small bathroom. "I needed you there to tell me that hey, it was gonna be okay if I could never have children, it was going to be okay if I lost all my hair or that I still looked beautiful even though I knew I was going to look disgustingly sick from all the chemo! I needed _you_ , Dean." Cas finally stopped, his ocean blue eyes meeting Dean's forest green. "I needed you and you weren't there." He whispered, sobs almost breaking his sentences. "I needed you and you were _gone._ " With that, Castiel pushed his way past Dean just as the others had made their way back to see what was going on.

"Cassie..." Charlie tried, reaching out for her best friend but didn't quite touch him. Cas shook his head, a few more tears falling as he began a light jog towards his own room.

"I can't do this." He whispered to himself, closing the door behind him. From in the hallway, he could hear Dean sobbing and telling everyone that he _didn't know_. Castiel buried his face in his pillow, the one he still sprayed with the cologne Dean used to wear when they were teenagers, and cried like a little girl that had just had her heart broken by her first crush.

Well, technically...

 

 **The Next Day** **~ Tuesday**

 

"I think I'd like for Dean to start us off today." Pam said, going through her roster. "I didn't get a chance to hear you yesterday, so how about you hop on up there and do your thing." She looked at the man sitting next to her, his eyes widening slightly as he gulped.

"Y-yeah. Sure thing." He replied, standing up. Dean reached into his pocket, pulled out a flashdrive and leaned over his seat, handing it to Charlie before whispering something to her and she nodded before running up to the sound booth. When she came back down, she reclaimed her seat next to Castiel and gave Dean and thumbs up. The redhead had actually been thoroughly surprised when she woke up that morning and found Cas making breakfast for them all; Meg and Ruby sitting at the table chanting about pancakes and bacon with glasses of orange juice and milk in front of them. After everything that happened the night before, she figured she would be the one keeping an eye on the girls most of the day while Gabriel was in classes and Castiel slept off all the stress. When Charlie had been sure that Cas had fallen asleep the night before, she and Gabriel had taken to the task of filling Sam and Dean in on everything else that had happened while they were gone; but they also got to hear the Winchesters side of the story.

Charlie had been so confused; Castiel was her best friend, and as his best friend it was her job to be angry at the guy who broke his heart.

But on the other hand, Dean and Sam had a very valid reason for their absence and why they never tried to make contact.

She had told Dean that while she was still a little upset, she did forgive him, but it was his job to inform Castiel of everything, not hers. Dean had agreed, but he wasn't sure how to approach the subject. They had talked for almost two hours devising plans before they finally all went separate ways. Music finally drew Charlie out of her reverie; the beat startling her slightly. Castiel had chuckled softly before leaning over to her. "This sounds like the beginning of one of your eighties montage theme songs." He whispered, causing Charlie to slap a hand over her mouth before the loud laugh escaped. Dean stood in front of a microphone, his hands in his pockets as he took a deep breath.

_"Looking at the same sky that we used to live under. Are you thinking about the love that I took from us? When you close your eyes do you see me love? Am I keeping you awake? Whatcha scared about? Are you giving up? When you know, you know, you know..."_

Castiel thought his heart had leaped into his throat as he stared up at Dean, the man finally gaining confidence that (no matter how many times he preformed) still always took a minute or so to build up. He had moved his hands from his pockets; placing one on the microphone stand and the other on the microphone itself. His voice wasn't quite as shaky as it had been, but Cas hadn't really had the time to focus on it because  _damn_. His singing voice had changed drastically in five years. It wasn't the shy, stuck-somewhere-between-alto-and-tenor, he was full blown tenor, bordering on bass when he wanted, and something about that gave Castiel chills.

_"You know that I'm coming back for you. Don't you worry, boy. Don't you worry, boy. You know that I'm coming back for you. Don't you worry, boy. I'll be back for you, so you better wait up keeping the bed warm for me. All night putting your whisper on me, giving that love and emotion that I know. Doesn't really matter what you do, I'll be back for you, coming back for you, yeah."_

Dean looked out into the crowd of his classmates. This wasn't his usual style of music, but this had been something Sam had helped him with, so it turned out a little different than he had originally planned. For only having twenty-four hours to work on an assignment (and spending nearly eight of them at Castiel's apartment), Dean thinks he had done a damn good job.

Okay, so maybe he cheated a little and used lyrics he had already semi-written. Who would know?

He looked towards Castiel, hoping, _praying_ that his message was getting through to the other man. He wanted nothing more than to be with Cas, to just sort of forget everything that had happened over the past five years, but he knew with the cancer and the abuse on either side it just wasn't going to be something that was easily dropped. So, he was working with what he had, and the way he knew he would most effectively get through to Castiel; music. He just hoped his plan would work.

 _"I know there are millions of miles in between our hearts, but I will come running for you I don't care how far. When you close your eyes do you see me love? Am I keeping you awake? Whatcha scared about? Are you giving up? When you know, you know, you know..._ _You know that I'm coming back for you. Don't you worry, boy. Don't you worry, boy. You know that I'm coming back for you. Don't you worry, boy. I'll be back for you, so you better wait up keeping the bed warm for me. All night putting your whisper on me, giving that love and emotion that I know. Doesn't really matter what you do, I'll be back for you, coming back for you, yeah."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Back For You (also chapter title, lol) is by Maroon 5.


End file.
